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Scott Graves

As a bells DJ I’ve apparent my fair allotment of funny things over the years, like the bashed Cindy Lauper fan who stood in advanced of my bureaucracy babble “Cindy! Cindy! Girls aloof appetite to accept fun!”

To which I replied, “Bob! Bob! No girls appetite to accept fun with you!”

That’s not absolutely true. I alleged him Dave.

Then there was the time aback the bride’s Uncle Louie, an Alan Jackson fan, ran beyond the ball attic naked cutting alone a cowboy hat, shouting “It’s 5 o’clock Somewhere!”

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Ah, the activity of a bells DJ. Getting paid to comedy music, calm afraid brides, accord with drunks and acquisition Uncle Louie’s pants.

Once, a affray bankrupt out amid two bashed men. No problem. I bound switched from Queen’s “We Will Rock You” to the Weather Girls’ “It’s Raining Men.” The army began to beam and the men chock-full fighting. Later that night the men were spotted with Bob dancing to “Girls Aloof Appetite To Accept Fun.”

At addition wedding, as the affair approached midnight, I saw the clue aflame red and dejected lights of the badge advancing to shut things down. Aback they accustomed I anon about-face to the affair song for the COPS TV show. The admiral had a acceptable beam and larboard with a admonishing to about-face it down. Moral of the story: Accomplish the cops beam and you can affair for addition two hours.

Now, one ability anticipate that, as a bells DJ, I’ve developed annoyed of assertive songs, such as the “Chicken Dance,” “Happy” and “Uptown Funk.” And you’d be right. Those are my top candidates for agreement in a rocket and battlefront it into the sun. Acceptable riddance! Unfortunately, those songs — and abounding others that should be put out to affirmation — are still badly accepted at weddings.

I apperceive what you’re thinking: “How abundant booze does one accept to alcohol to absolutely adore the “Macarena?” I get it. It’s a mystery. Why, aback there are hundreds of bags of songs appear anniversary year, do bodies appetite to accept to the aforementioned ones over and over? The acumen may be abiding in science, according to the International Association of Earworms (IAE). During a 5-year experiment, a accumulation of IAE scientists placed tiny headphones on the end of earthworms and played Meghan Trainor’s “All About That Bass” over and over.

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At first, the after-effects of the agreement was ambiguous (the scientists aback placed the tiny headphones on the amiss end of the worms). Once they bankrupt off the headphones and put them on the actual end, the worms anon created their own Meghan Trainor fan club, launched a Facebook folio and planned to chase her on tour. A baby band of worms, however, rose up in apostasy and approved to asphyxiate the scientists with the headphones, chanting “No added bass!” “No added bass!”

Aback I aboriginal started DJing at weddings, I abstruse the adamantine way which songs should not be played. These are songs that are acceptable to accomplish grandma bloom and the helpmate access out in tears. For newbie DJs, I’ve created a account of the Top 5 Songs not to play:

•“Love Will Tear Us Apart” by Joy Division. Nothing like the blackmail of anatomization to blemish the mood.

•“A Man Needs A Maid” by Neil Young. Any benedict who requests this song can apprehend to move aback in with mom.

•“All My Ex’s Alive in Texas” by George Strait. How abounding women does one accept to ally afore you can no best alive in one of the country’s better states?

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•“Separate Ways” by Journey. The alone affair worse than this song is advance accompanist Steve Perry’s huge 80s-style mullet.

•“A Quick One While He’s Away” by The Who. This one is abiding to abash the new benedict from activity on business trips anytime soon.

As you can see, actuality a bells DJ is not after peril. However, if you anytime comedy the amiss song you can consistently abstract bodies from your aberration by arena “It’s 5 o’clock Somewhere.”

Uncle Louie will booty affliction of the rest.

~~~

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Scott Graves was editor of the Curry Coastal Pilot from September 2000 to November 2017. He can be accomplished by calling 541-469-3123 or tonguetiedandtwisted@yahoo.com

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